FINDING A SPOUSE: Part 2
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD -- Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)
In Part 01, we looked at some of the factors that cause people to ‘get it wrong’ while in search of Mr. or Miss Right. These factors included:
1. A corrupt, sex-saturated culture;
2. Worship of false gods, which is far more prevalent than one realises, including materialism, statism (an overarching role for the government), and selfism;
4. Narcissism: people can put on a prolonged act before the real person is exposed.
5. The scourge of pornography. Latest count is that 46% of Americans view porn during the week. It also has a devastating effect on male virility.
6. No fear of God;
7. Ignoring wise counsel. Proverbs 11:14 says it all: ‘Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.’
In Part 02, we will look at ‘how to get it right.’ Please note that these are principles, not a magic formula.
Seasons: Ecclesiastes says to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. There’s a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to pluck (3:1-2). There is also a time to marry when your season comes. We have a season of singleness which is a gift from God: during this time we grow, develop, form our values and prepare for our future. As maturity and commitment set in, there is a time to marry. With so many waiting until their late 20s and early 30s before marriage, the possibility is strong that they had been in their season long before they actually marry. This can present complications. In other words, don’t wait too long because seasons change.
Decision: First, we need to make a decision to marry even before we meet someone. Everything flows from decision. It is amazing how many people entertain the idea of marriage, but allow life to flow by without actually doing anything about it. Men especially need to ‘prepare to launch’ by deciding that the time of girlfriends and floating around is finished: it is time to be a man and find a wife. As Proverbs 18:22 says that the man who finds a wife finds a good thing and the favour of God will be on Him. At the age of 25, I came to the conclusion that my time for marriage had come. Weeks later, the Lord identified to my future spouse. Having made the decision to marry, it was no effort to ‘make a move’ once I knew who it would be.
Have realistic expectations: It is almost entertaining how people have ‘fairy-tale’ criteria of whom they are going to marry: a certain educational background, physical appearance, social status, the perfect gentleman etc. The problem with these things is that they are 100% natural, not spiritual. Proverbs 31 describes the amazing virtuous woman; note that it says little about her appearance. Her spiritual life and ‘fear the LORD’ is what made her suitable. Whoever God has for you will be ‘a work in progress’ (just like you), so don’t see them as they are, but how God will make them.
TO BE CONTINUED